


Say Beautiful

by GemNika



Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: Anorexia, Body Image, F/F, Fairy Tail Femslash Exchange 2016, Femslash Exchange 2016, Self-Acceptance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-28
Updated: 2018-10-28
Packaged: 2019-08-09 06:03:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,187
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16444229
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GemNika/pseuds/GemNika
Summary: No one knew this was happening to her. Maybe no one cared. But Juvia knew, deep down, that was wrong. She had others who understood it, and all the support she needed. If only she could see it in herself, what they all saw.





	Say Beautiful

**Author's Note:**

> So I decided to participate in the Fairy Tail FemSlash Exchange (2016), run by boogey56 on tumblr. A sort of secret-santa-ish thing starring the women of Fairy Tail. My requestor, ice-bringer, gave me lots to work with as far as pairings. And even gave the okay for NSFW content.

 

"Juvia is strong… Juvia is beautiful… Juvia has a lot to offer…"

She stared at herself in the mirror, ignoring the blank slate of a wall behind her where his posters had once been. The pale blue of her walls now that they'd been repainted from the drab grey they'd been before. She ignored the cream comforter over her bed, and the missing body pillow she'd made. That was all in the past, after all.

"Juvia… J-Juvia is not  _weird_ … Juvia is not… N-Not creepy…"

She knew that letting her emotions get the better of her would cause a sudden downpour in Magnolia. It was a beautiful day out. She didn't want to ruin the happiness of others with her own issues.

"Juvia is beautiful…"

Her gaze drifted lower, down toward her slender throat and the pale swell of her breasts. To the soft pink buds of her puckered nipples. Her waist. Arms. Hands. Hips. The small tuft of hair above her sex. Her thighs, calves, and feet.

"Juvia is…"

The first of her tears trickled down her cheeks as her body shimmered, lost cohesion for several seconds, then reformed.

Instead of seeing the way her bones stuck out, how her ribs rippled beneath skin stretched taut over them, the unhealthy pinch to her waist, she focused on the imagined fat she saw everywhere.

Under her arms, as one lifted to the side, she wanted to vomit when looking at how it jiggled as she moved.

Her breasts were too large, making her look heavier.

Her thighs rubbed together just from standing in one spot.

She pinched her stomach, just beneath her navel. Bile tickled her throat when she felt the little beads of cellulite between her fingers.

"J-Juvia… Juvia is…"

She hated herself. Every inch of her body made her sick. And the meal she'd eaten only an hour before was already filling her with more disgusting fat.

"Juvia is…"

Maybe if she sucked in her stomach…

She still had the number for that plastic surgeon that Bora had told her about years ago. Maybe he was still practicing. Maybe he could help to fix her.

"J-Juvia is…"

Slender arms wound around her from behind and soft silken skin she'd come to know so well pressed against her back. Shining blue eyes met with hers in the mirror. "Juvia is beautiful," Lisanna whispered. "Juvia is getting healthy again."

She shook her head, the dried ends of her hair scratching against her shoulders. "You're wrong," she sniffled. "Juvia is hideous…"

"No," Lisanna whispered. "You were sick. We're helping you get better."

Juvia turned in Lisanna's arms and let herself be pulled further into the Takeover mage's embrace. She didn't see the sadness in her lover's eyes as Lisanna's fingers rippled over her protruding vertebrae.

"Say it with me. Juvia is beautiful."

"J-Juvia isn't…"

"Say it… Juvia is  _beautiful_."

She shook her head again, burrowing further into Lisanna's arms as her tears came more forcefully. When she heard a sudden clap of thunder, Juvia let out a clipped sob, followed by several more until Lisanna gently led her to the bed and they both laid down.

Only Lisanna had been able to make her feel even remotely beautiful after things had fallen apart with Gray. Finding him sitting at a café with some woman two years before had been the last straw for her. Seeing that woman with her slim hips and smaller build, her high cheekbones and brilliant million-Jewel smile, Juvia knew that she could never be the woman that Gray wanted.

And after two months of starving herself for as long as possible before breaking down and binge-eating, Juvia searched herself for answers. And what she'd come to realize was that the feelings she'd had for Gray were nothing more than infatuation with what he'd embodied. Her release from the dark and dreary world she'd always lived in.

And then Lisanna came along. They'd started as friends, well before Juvia saw the youngest Strauss as an attractive woman that made her cheeks flush and her heart pound.

She knew the change had been gradual, so gradual that Lisanna had hardly noticed it until things were much worse than anyone had expected. Juvia had kept her clothing the way it had always been, so no one would be able to see the rolls of fat that she could. And since she and Lisanna had only been intimate with one another a couple times, her lover had been unaware of just how much weight Juvia had lost.

It wasn't until two weeks prior that Lisanna had realized just what was going on with her. When Juvia had been coming out of the shower, and the silver-haired beauty wanted to surprise her with Mira and Erza, treating her to a day sampling various cakes for the other two mages' wedding.

"I love you, Juvia," Lisanna whispered. "And I know you'll love yourself one day. Because you  _are_ beautiful. And you  _are_  strong. And the things that happened before won't ever happen again. You have me. And you have Lucy and Mira and Erza and Evergreen too. We understand… And even though it's hard, we're here to support you, okay?"

"J-Juvia didn't m-mean to get sick…"

"I know. But you're eating again, and that will help you get better."

She hadn't been able to see what happened to her until Lisanna took a picture of her sleeping, folded it to hide her head, then showed it to Juvia two days later. She'd been mortified when looking at the bony body in the image. It was even worse when Lisanna unfolded it and showed her that it was  _her_. That  _she_ looked like that to everyone else, when all she could see was the imperfection of her existence.

"Fatter…"

"Better," Lisanna insisted gently. "And even if you were 'fat' there's still so much I love about you. Like your smile when it starts sprinkling. How you make me dance with you in the rain. You're a wonderful cook, a genius at sewing. You're creative and smart. There's so much more to you than the way you look, Juvia."

"J-Juvia doesn't deserve it…"

"You do, love. You deserve happiness. You deserve to smile and be healthy. And I want to spend forever with you. We can't do that if you're not eating, or getting so sick that you can hardly get out of bed. I want to be old and grey with you, sitting in the rain and listening to how it sings."

"B-But everyone wants sunshine… Juvia only brings rain…"

She let out a shaky breath when Lisanna shifted and pulled the spare blanket from the foot of the bed over both of them. She hadn't realized that she was cold until the woven fabric brushed across her skin.

"Sunshine is overrated," Lisanna giggled. She lifted her girlfriend's chin and swiped at the tears on her blotchy cheeks. "I'd take a downpour and moisture over the sun beating down on me and trying to give me skin cancer."

"Juvia is l-lucky."

"And why is that?"

"Because J-Juvia has you…"

_**.The End.** _


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